Upon opening my eyes from the shimmering lights and a cool atmosphere, I noticed a young woman on my side lose in daze while facing a wall just above my head. And a crying woman who has the same hair color as the younger one but is probably older by a couple of years, She was sobbing while repeating my name over and over again.
Regaining my consciousness, I could hear the sobbing of the older woman while she is leaning on my stomach.
Slowly Opening my eyes, I started to sweep my gaze around the room which I could conclude is a hospital.
“He is finally awake!” Said one of the nurse who was standing behind the crying woman.
Her sudden shout attracted all the attention towards me, I wish she hand’t done that.
“It’s a miracle!” The doctor cried out after checking my pulse and telling the nurse to fix something behind my bed.
“Von, I’m so happy you’re alive” The teary-eyed woman who was crying on top of me splutteredsaid joyously.
“I- I’m fine.” I replied vaguely, noticing how croaky, strange and foreign voice sounds I can’t help but remember how I ended up like this. I must have been foolish to attempt of taking my life over a woman.
The woman that I had loved for a year now had betrayed me, I thought everything between us was going smoothly and everyone even thought that it was a matter of time before we get married… But it’s all a farce.
I never would have thought that she would betray my feelings for her, I never would have thought that she would betray me behind my back.
I still remember it like it was yesterday, the moments we spent together, the happiness I felt when I’m together with her and the reason why I decided to take my own life…
It all started a week before I attempted to take my life. It was a bright sunny day, it wasn’t anything unusual. But there was one thing that felt weird at one point, and it was related to my girlfriend, Alice.
Alice is my very first girlfriend, I met her in school when we were both 1st year. She was the prettiest woman that I had ever laid my eyes upon, her blonde wavy hair that reach her back and her sapphire eyes that had captivated my soul.
She was a head shorter than me but in contrast to her height, her popularity exceed my imagination. I often dreamt of having a girlfriend like her so I decided to confess. I never really had any expectation, rather I even though that my confession would have been immediately shot down.
But I was wrong, she accepted my feelings and we started to date ever since then. Every dates we had, I could always see Alice having so much fun that I even though that ‘she is the one’.
All was going pretty well not until the last few weeks before the holiday break of Christmas, Alice was transferred into a prestigious school.
I knew something was wrong because, my beloved Alice who always text me suddenly stop texting me. I knew what was happening, but I could not bear to accuse her, maybe I’m just too paranoid that’s why I decided to text her first myself.
-Alice my love, why are you hardly texting me anymore? I don’t know what happened, but you hardly text me anymore after you’re birthday party.-
-I’m sorry, I was just so busy with school works, and I hope you can understand right Von?-
Reading her reply made me felt something sour within my stomach, I could even feel something sharp had pierce my hearth.
-But, Alice… texting me will only consume a minute of your time right? Even if it is just short words like ‘hello’ ‘good morning’ or ‘goodnight’.-
-You know Von, you are being paranoid. Why can’t you understand?-
Her reply was short but direct, I was left speechless for a second because of her sudden coldness.
-Alice… you know that I miss you right? You are always busy these past few days.-
-I am just too busy Von, I have too much school work to do.-
-I understand, know that I love you Alice.-
I felt a sharp pain on my chest when Alice didn’t reply back when I said I love you to her. I don’t know what happened to her that it went to the point that she didn’t even bother replying that she love me back like what she always do back then…
The next day, I decided to text Alice again. Since we hardly meet anymore on school ground, I don’t know why but I felt like she is avoiding me.
-Alice my love, Can we meet each other later?-
-Oh, I’m sorry Von, but I will be going home later today. I just have too many things to do here in school.-
-I understand, how about tomorrow? I can walk you to school.-
-No need to do that Von.-
-I insist, I just miss you so much Alice :’(-
-I said no need, my father will drive me to school tomorrow.-
-Oh… ok, take care my love. When can we meet each other?-
Just like yesterday, Alice stop replying again. “Huh what is this? Is this tears falling from my eyes? Why am I crying? Alice is just too busy… that’s why she couldn’t have time to spend with me…”
That night I cried myself to sleep, I’m 14 years old but I know what is happening…but I am still hoping that I am just being paranoid.
The next day, I took my time to text Alice again.
-Are you busy?-
-Sorry Von, I have still have many things to do. And how are you Von?-
Seeing that Alice had ask how I was made me feel kind a happy.
-I really miss you Alice… You suddenly became super busy. Compare to the past were you always text me yourself even if you were in class, you always had the time to text me and reply to me.-
-There you are again Von, I already explained to you why I am busy right?-
-Why are you always mad?-
-I’m not mad Von.-
-Oh ok… did you get already get home Alice?-
-Yes I am already home.-
-Can I come over? J-
-I’m sorry Von, but it’s also busy here on our house.-
After that I stop texting Alice for the day.
I tried my luck for the next day.
-Are you still busy Alice?-
-It’s been 2 weeks since we are like this.-
-You change Alice, you changed a lot. You change after we celebrated your birthday party.-
-I love you very much Alice, I can’t bear to lose you…-
-I hope you still love me… I’m not stupid.-
-What are you saying Von? There you are again. I am getting angry of you.-
-Ok… Let’s talk about it again, so that you won’t get angry at me anymore.-
-Geez, thank you.-
-So… can you tell me the reason why you became like that? I really miss you a lot Alice :’(.-
-Really Von? I already told you nothing is wrong right? I already told you that I am just busy on school.-
-Why are you becoming cold towards me Alice? You know that I am suffering right?-
-You are suffering?-
-To tell you the truth… yes I am suffering because of you giving me the cold shoulders.-
-Then, why don’t we end this Von?-
-That’s not what I wanted to hear from you Alice…-
-Alice… do you still love me?-
Seeing that Alice was no longer replying. I can’t help but tearing up. My fingers started to shake while I type.
-Alice… why can’t you tell me that you still love me?-
-What’s with the drama Von? You know what, you are starting to piss me off.-
-Alice… I know the reason why you became like that long ago. I was just playing the stupid fool in hope that I was wrong and hoping that you still love me…-
-What nonsense are you saying Von?-
-One time I was going to pick you up so that we could walk together to school… but I saw that you already have someone walking you to school…-
-That just my school mate.-
-Why didn’t you tell me that you already have someone walking you to school then? And it was a male to booth.-
-And if he was only a schoolmate, then why did you allow him to hold your hand while you both walk to school? And yes I followed you.-
-What? Are you sure of what you are saying Von? Maybe it was another girl.-
-I’m positive that it was you Alice, even if you turn your back on me or even if I only see your hand I know that it was you.-
-That was nothing, I was just scared that’s why he was holding my hand.-
-Oh are you always scared? Even though that both of you are already on school grounds?-
-I went to your school, I even brought flowers but I saw you and him holding hands while being intimate…-
This is so bad, I am crying and I can’t stop…
-I am not saying this now because I am hurting… you’re younger sister even saw me, and she cried because of what you had have done. I even told her to keep it a secret.-
-Because I already knew about you cheating on me behind my back.-
-I only wanted you to tell me yourself. Because I can forgive you, love you again. And I was hoping that you will come back to me…-
-But… I think it’s already too late. Little by little you are changing. I tried to get you back, but I feel like I already lost you.-
-You already love someone else that’s why you won’t tell me ‘I love you’ anymore, compare to the past where you will always tell me that word every day and night.-
-But now… you hardly answer my call and reply to my text messages.-
-You know what hurts the most? It’s when I think about you being with someone else. And knowing that while we are still in a relationship is tearing my heart… I was hoping that one day you will realize how much I love you and that you will come back to me…-
-But these past few weeks, you are giving me signs little by little which is saying that you don’t have feelings for me anymore.-
-You know what, I had hope that you would have at least broken up with me first before you love another man.-
-You know what, so that you won’t suffer from replying to a guy that you no longer love. I will be the one who will end our relationship… I love you so much… so much that I am hoping even now that you realize how much I love you. But, I can’t take it anymore. I hope you find happiness.-
With my eyes red from crying, my heart was aching from the sadness that I suffered. I could no longer take the pain that I was feeling from my heart and that’s when I had hanged myself in order to free myself from the suffering that I was feeling…
“Mother! Big brother had just regain his consciousness, please don’t make him unconscious again with your breast… and I’m glad you are alive big brother.” The younger girl who was recently lose in daze staring at the wall said. She then slowly moved and sat herself next to me on my bed. I could see her loving eyes that is filled with worry.
Seeing my loving step mother in front of me and my younger step sister besides me made me realize the folly of my mistake. I should have not attempted to take my own life… I should have let Alice go with a smile… but my heart was hurting, I couldn’t take it anymore that’s why…. Who am I kidding, I made a mistake and I will vow right here and now that it won’t happen again.
“Von, are you feeling well? Do you feel any pain?” The doctor asked.
I shook my head slowly in reply and he smiled.
He nodded in reply while turning to my mother. “Mrs. Cendana, may I have a word with you? It’s about the condition of your son and in order to avoid anymore future of him attempting to take his own life.”
I could only smile wryly on what the doctor had said, as they both left the room, followed by the nurse, my step sister Rose smiled down at me lovingly and said.
“I’m glad that you are alive, brother ”
I stared up at the ceiling and contemplated things about my life, about my attempt of suicide and about my step mother and sister. Listening to the water being poured into the cup things suddenly dawned on me.
I regretted my actions, but it’s all in the past now. God has given a chance in life and I won’t waste it.
I am Von Dominique Cendana, I promise to live my life to the fullest and who knows, I may someday find that special someone that won’t betray me.